Weak Women? - Zavi

In response to 13s previous post:

Women are not weak. Just to get that off my chest first :)

Our patriarchal society likes to promote the myth or female = weak so as it does not challenge the supremacy of the male. As a product of this society any male who does not participate in the "masculine" rituals should feel less of a man. It is only "natural". There are reasons for this: most of our evolution has been spent in survival mode and women with children to care for don't need the same adrenalin rush seeking behaviour as males who hunt and fight for territory. Males who don't show the same aggression could be a liability for the group in times of threat.

Within our parent's lifetime it was "natural" for women to stay at home and raise children while the male went to work and played the paternal role in the family. Not many sought to challenge the stereotypes and those economical circumstances made a single bread winner a viable proposition. Within our grandparent's lifetimes women were chattels and children worked in factories where they had no rights at all (in some parts of the world they still do not). It was only early in the 20th century that the womens movement began to gain support for equal rights.

100 years is a very very small chunk of time compared to the millions of years our ape brains have been evolving. The fissure between ape brain programming and modern needs is widening as society and technology expand. But perhaps the behaviors that helped our species survive will be needed again as the climate changes and we face the possibility of being plunged back into a primitive existence. Our present comfortable state is probably only a hiatus in the evolutionary journey.

Meanwhile back at the ranch...
I do not agree that women are weak and therefore a man who is not "strong" is effeminate. I challenge any man who believes this to be true to take on raising children, running a household, working a job and propping up their partner's ego - and do it as well as a woman. If this sounds sexist refer back to my previous comments about evolution. Women are nurturers, we have evolved as the child rearers and our skills are oriented towards that. We have more empathy and tenderness because these attributes are needed to get us through the many difficult hours demanded of us by our children without abandoning or harming them ( the same skills are put to good use in dealing with out partners LOL).

I don't want to generalize too much (although I have). Nor do I want to promote the idea that women are weak and men are aggressive because of evolution and we have no control over this state. It is our challenge to overcome these traits and be simply human. Being a content man OR woman in our society takes inner strength and without it making the switch from one to the other would simply be a waste of time.

Zavi

Am I TG, or am I just weak? - Number13

Part of the problem I am facing coming to terms with my identity as transgender or not is the male culture of weak == woman. Am I just not enough of a man? The male peer group at work has the whole macho thing of calling someone weak a girl. Am I a girl? Or just a complete loser? Do I not want to compete because that's a feminine trait, or because I think that if I compete I'll just lose. Saying I'm really a woman could be an excuse and prop for my ego, maybe.

I get the feeling there is a group of people who think that a man who decides to become a woman just can't cut it. Whereas my own viewpoint is that I love my feminine nature and the ritual self-mutilation of the psyche that comes with being a MAN is something that I just cannot do.

I'm also finding this issue a bit isolating... just the other day someone at work referred to someone they didn't like as a "cocksucking faggot"... wtf would they think of me if I ever came out as TG. I find myself reevaluating those who I thought of as friends.

And my daughter? Would her dad turning into a woman scar her? Can I do that to her?

The thing that casts it all into doubt is the fact that whenever I think of becoming a woman that I break down and start crying. Maybe I cry because it all seems so hopeless... being a woman is something I want but can never allow myself to have...

Web 2.0 - Number13

Now that we have a blog site, and it's hooked up to Zavi's flickr account and my delic.iou.us account, it feels good to be all web 2.0 and shit... except I always thought of that stuff as a bit wanky! It must have been secret jealousy.

So now I get to rabbit on about anything that comes into my head and write it down so that someone somewhere might come along and read it... and think what an idiot this person is!

Its funny but half the postings in my Google Reader subscriptions are about how to manage having so many RSS subscriptions to read :) The best thing about Google Reader is that I get to use the mouse scroll wheel to quickly mark all the posts as read... I'm reading so many posts now days... my productivity is through the roof!

Why The Silly Name - Number13

A lot of people in SL ask why the hell I called my avatar Number13 Babii... is it some sort of weird BDSM thing, were there 12 other avatars before... they're always mistyping it "hey 12.. I mean 23.... sorry 13".

The answer is that I was going through a Pixies revival and I love the song No13 Baby on the Dolittle album... I probably wouldn't call my avatar that again :)

Being a penis owner (nods to Germaine) - Zavijava

I bought a penis last week, a lovely sculpty, top of the range Xcite X3 cock. It is fun to play with and satisfies my long held penis envy. I really didn't see the point of a strap on when I could have the real thing.

After trying out an alt male avatar but not liking being somebody else just so I could have a cock I decided to just be my regular avatar with a penis that I could wear at whim. Not a shemale or hermaphrodite mind you - simply a woman with a cock.

Its an interesting thing to own, it actually has "realistic" settings so that it becomes flacid after ejaculation for certain periods and responds to different kinks (how come my excite clit does not have different kinks was my first question upon discovering this). As a regular clit owner (in FL and SL) I am used to being pretty much ready to go whenever I feel like it so waiting for a recharge period is a bit frustrating.

However, the physical limitations of owning a cock in SL are nothing compared to the responsibilities and expectations of a FL cock owner. Usually referred to in our gendered society as men, the people born with penises have quite a lot to deal with. You may or may not know that our biological sex is determined by a pair of chromosomes, XX for female and XY for Male (how interesting that the male is missing a piece from the second X). All fetuses start out as female by default and then some develop into males by activation of the Y chromosome.

At birth all attention is turned to the question is it a boy or a girl? How many people do you know who never ask this question? During pregnancy it is a source of great curiosity, how will we choose a name? Do we have to choose one each for each sex just in case? For even when you have antenatal evidence via an ultrasound picture or genetic testing (in the case of chromosome carried disease) you are never sure until the birth and the doctors pronunciation of sex. Once pronounced it is there on a birth certificate for life and the evidence is right there between the legs!

But what if there was a mistake? Can you correct it even though your mind and soul feel that your biologically assigned sex is a mistake and your real sex is the opposite? The main barrier to this correction is gender. Gender and sex are not the same thing. However, in western society the gender you are assigned is determined by your biological sex and what lies between your legs.

So back to being a penis owner. What does this mean for a little boy in our western world? Losing touch with your emotions because "boys don't cry", wearing practical clothes and not looking pretty because "boys get messy", (nearly) always being the chaser in the playground because "boys have germs". As they grow it leads inexorably to a life as the "strong" sex, the wage earners and leaders and don't even start to tell me that this is the natural order of things. These stereotypes are all gender driven and enforced by society.

As a woman, a mother and above all a feminist I do not buy any of the crap about a "natural" order of sex/gender. I am a strong woman and I love being able to play at having a penis when it suits me but to be thrown into the pool of males looking for fulfilling lives would be a nightmare to me. Quite frankly I like the way the "natural order" has favoured me. It is a selfish view and one I am changing in response to my partner's gender dysphoria.

I don't doubt for a minute that some men wish to escape. Statistically men have a higher rate of suicide and depression and live shorter lives. Sure some do not have a problem at all and go about quite happily subjugating women who have also been brought up to believe that this is the natural order of things. Many find partnership with a person who has compatible ideals of the male/female or male/male relationship and gender never becomes an issue.

So here is an interesting question. Are you totally happy with the gender role you were given and would you swap sex organs just to feel you fitted in with what society expects or would you rather swap societies to be who you are with no regard to your biological sex?

Second Life is offering a way to find that other society. However, we mostly live in our first lives and in the societies that form our gender according to what we have between our legs. I think sex reassignment surgery and transitioning are extremely harsh ways to force people to fit in with society and look externally the way they feel inside. If we did not as a society enforce roles and behavioral expectations according to our genitals there would be less need for anybody to try and "pass" as the other sex.

In a nutshell I guess I feel lucky to be able to play with my virtual cock but if I was given the choice to have a real penis and all that it came with I would probably decline.

alt7 - Number13

alt7 is an Australian alternative and independent music club run by Alex, who is the coolest Aussie I've met in SL... besides Mistress Zavijava of course! The best thing about Alex is she calls me babe/girl ... awwww!

This club is great because it is non-profit, thanks to Alex's generosity... No escorts, no advertising, just good music and great company.

DJ times are listed in the group charter - search for "Alternative Indie Music". Group IMs are limited to event announcements, and group enrollment is open, so join up! DJs work for tips only so please remember to show your appreciation!

alt7 reminds me of how great Aussies are... unpretentious, welcoming, down-to-earth humour and always friendly.

Love you Zavijava - Number13

How lucky am I to have a first life partner who not only is ok with me tramping around SL with a female avatar who is a bondage sub, but who also joins in.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Number13

I'm a text person - Number13

Why SL voice sux ass for me: I'm a shy person in RL. Somehow I just express myself better typing. Maybe it's because I was such a bookworm when I was growing up, maybe it's because I spend 8 hours a day in front of a computer screen programming. When typing I can exercise self-censorship and not make such a fool of myself. /me still finds it hard in SL because the avatars are so realistic, and when a couple of avs are standing 4 feet away staring and saying nothing it can be disconcerting as hell. I spend hours at Bondage Ranch looking at everyone and not daring to say a word.